Oh, the things I do for you.

I went to a tractor pull today. 


That's right. A TRACTOR pull. 


I saw more camo and boots than ever in my life. Being from West Tennessee, that is a feat in itself. 


I sat in a hard chair for four hours and watched souped up Fords and John Deere see how far they could get with a giant contraption called a sled hooked to the back of the vehicle. I inhaled A LOT of smoke, and had to cover my ears about 25% of the time I was there. 






I loved every second of it. 


What in the WORLD is wrong with me?

Where the heart is.

I sometimes feel like I'm too nice. I put too much faith and trust in people.  I always want to see the good.  The people that everyone hate?  I see some redeeming quality.  It's not that I don't want to dislike them.  In some ways I think it would be easier to dismiss them as jerks, write them off as not worth my time.  Unfortunately (or fortunately)  that is just not in my nature. 

       

Take you for example.  People can't stand you, and you're proud of that.  You say the most taboo things just so you can get a rise out of someone.  You intentionally build walls that no one can penetrate.  You do really awful things, and are a terrible communicator, and hurt me. On purpose.  And just when I've written you off for good... You surprise me.  You tear a brick down.  Bare a tiny piece of your soul.  And you're redeemed. 

It doesn't have to be much.  An impassioned speech about how a song affects you.  A genuine smile.  A reassurance that you really are grateful for my friendship.   A surprise decision-- or three.  All I know is that in those moments, the reasons why I let you in in the first place come rushing back.  You infuriate me.  You make me absolutely crazy... But you know me.  You know how to make me smile, and you challenge me in every way possible.  There IS a heart, buried underneath all that bravado and sarcasm. 

And so I will continue to wait.  Not for you, because I know that will never work.  I will wait for those moments, when you somehow trust me enough to let me in.

"When all the hard times outweigh the good, 

And all your words are misunderstood,
When the day seems lost from the start
You must follow your heart."