I've been thinking a lot lately. About everything. I'm in this rut, but I feel like I'm on the uphill climb. I have so much to learn about everything. Lately, what's been eating away at me has been my lack of drive. I want to be better at so many things, but I don't want to put in the work.
I am a musician. It's what I do, and more than that, it's who I am. I finally (finally) got cast in a fantastic role in an amazing musical, and I think I've worked harder at it than I've worked at anything in my life. It helps being surrounded by the most supportive people ever: a guy who challenges me every day to do better (if only just to spite him), a "sister" who really gets me, and a fabulous fabulous gay man who tells me how wonderful I performed after every single show. The last weekend starts tomorrow, and I'm already dreading the Sunday curtain call. After it's over, what? It comes down to this: Now that I've gotten a taste of what it's like to be on top, do I keep sticking my neck out just to get cast as a walk-on?
Which brings me to a new (but related) subject: my sister. The real one. We sing and write music together (Hayley and Bree McCuin). We've recorded a demo. Everyone in our hometown knows who we are (and it's not a small town). I can't help but feel like we have SO MUCH potential, but I have no idea how to go anywhere with it. I'm ready. I would move tomorrow if it meant getting to do what I love with the person who means the most to me in this world. But she's five years my junior. She is so many major life choices that she can't afford to worry about me too.
I think that's enough for one day. If you so choose, stop by every once in a while. I might come up with something that speaks to you.
“All one’s life is music, if one touches the notes rightly and in time.” – John Ruskin
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